Today I am sad. I’m sad because of several things. I’m feeling neglected again. There is no connection between me and my husband at all. We are going through a heat wave, 3 days over a hundred degrees. Staying in with him is worse than being alone. Usually he works outside all day but in this heat he’s stayed in. He doesn’t need anyone. I’ll suggest doing things, he’s not interested and says, what for? I asked him why he doesn’t like to have fun. He said he did, so I asked him when the last time he had fun and he didn’t name anything. When we do have fun is when I take the initiative and buy tickets to concerts or plays. He gets no pleasure of spending the day together. Its always strictly business. If we shop, its getting what we need and getting out of there. Anyway I’m tired of thinking or writing about it, its just always someplace in my full mind. Besides leaving him, I don’t have a solution.
I’m so discouraged by how we as a country are dealing with the Corona virus. We’re all over the place. I am happy that we’re in a state where the governor is taking scientific knowledge seriously and acting accordingly. I worry my son in NY and daughter in Florida aren’t taking it seriously enough.
As far as my health, I’m feeling good for the first time in a long time. My knee is giving out a little and there’s some pain, but it hasn’t stopped me from doing anything. I volunteered on Saturday so I was able to get out.
I really didn’t feel like writing today and I think that shows in what I’ve written. When I’m feeling so disconnected, is when I start to isolate. I’ll escape into games or reading. Complaining like I just did doesn’t solve anything and makes me feel worse. I’ll isolate until these feelings lift. I’ll force myself to write like I’m doing now to see if it helps. I need to call Bluesky Pro for more help, but I don’t want to. I saw a couple of real blogs yesterday and it made me feel unbelievably stupid. This looks nothing like a real blog. My mind is in a tizzy because I don’t think I have the intelligence to make it better. I’m not in a good way today.