All week I cannot sleep because my mind is so full. I have so many emotions. I’m mad, I’m hurt, (they always seem to go together). Every year I want my son Bryan and his family to come for Easter. It seems that I need to beg and then he will come, not on Easter but a week before or after, which is fine. He hosts every single holiday and it is always with Laura’s family. That and the fact that 18 people, all her family, go to Disney World every single year! We’re never invited to do anything.

This year I arranged a week in Myrtle Beach, in a two bedroom, 2 bath condo for us and Bryan, Laura and Brylee. That’s in June. I feel guilty for not inviting my daughter and grandson Victor. The condo is only for 6. Realistically Jen can’t go because she has no time off and Victor would want to take his girlfriend and that would make more than 6. I’m upset because Bryan will come to this and he’ll come when we have the passes to Kings Dominion. He doesn’t come just to visit. His visits are always for a long weekend. That hurts me. He’ll visit his cousin in Florida for a week, (in addition to Disney World).

Anyway I had asked him yet again to come for Easter this year. Is having one holiday a year at my home too much to ask? He wouldn’t give me an answer and I didn’t want to call because I knew by him not calling that he wasn’t coming. He didn’t have the balls to call me. Pete called and of course he’s not coming. He has too much to do with leaving for Disney World a week later. This makes me hate everybody, I’m acting like a little kid. Why do I have to beg people. (family) to visit. Unless we are offering something big, we have to go up there. Now we have to get a hotel everytime too. His father gets to stay with them for Brylee’s birthday.

I haven’t seen Jen in over two years. She’s been out of work, (I bailed her out yet again) and then when she’s working, she has no time. She says her car would never make it. The last bail out I told her no more. She said she is over Florida. I offered for her to come live here and get a new start. She would have the entire upstairs and a private bathroom. Absolutely not, “I don’t want to live in Virginia! She hates people and wants to live on a big farm. I said why don’t you make some goals of what you want and then work towards that. She agrees to everything when she’s down and out but now that she is working, everything is no go. She cried to me and said she would get back on antidepressants, (she needs them) and also stop smoking. Neither has happened.

These are just some of the thoughts that I lose sleep over every night