We arrived in NC tonight for a long weekend. I was excited because some of the decorating in one of the guest rooms was going to be done.
After emptying the coolers, feeding Ellie, putting groceries away and unpacking I was exhausted. As usual Pete drove the whole way, unpacked the truck, flooring, beds, coolers, luggage and tools. He then took Ellie for a walk, and went to the post office.
I started feeling sad and sorry for myself because while he was walking Ellie, and being gone so long, I knew that he had met people. I’m sad because I can’t walk Ellie and be the one meeting neighbors. I just sit here. I can’t go anywhere without him because the truck doesn’t have hand controls.
I am so frustrated at not being able to do what I want without getting tired. It’s only going to get worse because the beds,(twin), have to be put together. Of course I want to do it. I’m afraid that if I start, I won’t be able to finish for one reason or another, fatigue mostly. No one, Pete, understands. I was a single mom for 15 years. I’ve put together cribs, bicycles, a stationary bike, furniture, painting. Nothing stopped me. Now I can barely do a fucking thing!
Before we left I wanted to spray paint the beds. He set everything up, I even had a chair. I could barely finish one bed. I was hot, my legs wouldn’t work so I couldn’t move around. He had to finish and then clean up. Again, I felt defeated. To top it off, I don’t like the color. If I change it, it will be more work for him.
I really hate myself for my inabilities