All around my house I have the lyrics “All you need is love” and in the new house my original art, “Love is all you need.” Here I am with no love at all.
I know my kids will say they love me and I’m sure they do. Neither will go out of their way or do anything to show they love me.
The only love I feel is in my granddaughter Brylee. Nothing but pure love. Unfortunately I’m not around her enough.
I don’t even know my grandson Victor. His parents fucked up and he lives with his other grandparents. He lived with us when he was little and I loved it. Now I see him once a year, Christmas, and we don’t get to talk. He’s very closed and I get minimum answers or conversations. I long to know him.
Pete is the worst because he’s my husband. No affection, no compliments, no sharing, no sex. I really feel there’s something intrinsically wrong with him. He has no emotion, no sense of humor, no friends and conversations are only about him and his job and what he has to do. He doesn’t enjoy nature or music. When we go somewhere, he rushes through, is cranky and impatient. He doesn’t show one bit of interest in anything I do. He knows I have this blog and has no interest in reading it. I did a newsletter when I was a Master Gardener, which I was very proud of. He never read one.
Today I was in another room, I had the radio on loud, he lowered it. I came into the room and Pink Floyd’s, “The great gig in the sky” was on. I asked why he didn’t call me, it’s one of my all time favorites. He knows that! This kind of stuff never occurs to him. He’s oblivious.
I can’t stand it anymore, I’m so lonely and I don’t know what to do. I’m back burying my brain in computer games. I want to feel loved sooo badly.