Wow, what a weekend! I woke up this morning sooo achy, my back was killing me. Once I get up and move around I’m ok. My husband was home and spent the whole weekend working on his trailer and tractor to sell, (this is the 2nd weekend). Sometimes I feel more alone when he’s here than when I am alone. Maggie at least gets a walk every day. I cooked Friday and Saturday. I wasn’t cooking last night. When I’m alone with him home, my mind works overtime! I feel resentful and realize that he doesn’t need anyone in his life. He doesn’t have friends, only work associates. He doesn’t have hobbies, he’s not into sports. All his time is spent working and creating projects that will keep him busy from morning till night.
It’s like pulling teeth to get him to work on a project together. I’ve said before that this has got to be his way of avoiding any type of feelings. I do notice that he was this way when I met him. He had started a whole home renovation and never stopped for the first 6 years of our marriage, We did work together on choosing things and I designed the kitchen and other areas. I wanted to learn how to cut tile but he wouldn’t teach me. He is a very anal perfectionist that drove me crazy and still does.
I tried to occupy my mind, my escape is computer games, reading and adult coloring books. I did all three, all weekend. The coloring books really keep me calm. The reading takes me away. Right now I am reading a really good book, “The Girl with the Louding Voice,” by Abi Dare`. You know when your reading a really good book and don’t want it to end. That is what this is.
In doing these thing, I am sitting, alot! I don’t like to sit alot. I get up to cook, do laundry, and wander outside, but it is too hot and unfortunately my legs get so weak I have to sit down again. More frustration. So I’m dealing with husband making himself scarce, a need to do more than sit, my daughter bringing drama, (she’s is visiting new baby with her brother) That’s another thing on my mind, She is coming from FL, the state with 10,000 Covid diagnosis in 24 hours, she was waitressing down there and she flew on a plane! How can they all be so lax?
Right now I have an anxious feeling in my stomach and I’m not sure why. I’ve had it all morning. It might be because I need to call Bluesky Pro and I’ve been putting it off, again I don’t know why, just picking up the phone??