Mind Full again….

My daughter finally called. The last time I spoke to her was 2 days before we left for NY, crying, telling me she couldn’t make it this year for Christmas. I should start this by saying my son and his family are coming down the end of February to stay with me because my husband will be away on business. So it makes sense to me that my daughter would call. Now note that I asked her to stay with me while he was gone two months ago, never receiving an answer.

So again she is coming only because they will be here, if they weren’t coming believe me she wouldn’t come. She is trying to arrange for her son to come down from NY with them. That is fine with me.

She goes on to tell me how sick she is. She is convinced it is because of her breast implants and I don’t doubt her. She said she has a growth coming out of her breast and her hair is falling out and she is hardly eating and there is a rash on her face. She has not been to a doctor because she has no money. She won’t go to emergency room or clinic because she is afraid of Covid. She has also hooked up with a group of women on Facebook that are having serious problems with their implants too. For the past year she has been sending me articles about implants.

She stated that that was the real reason she didn’t make it for Christmas, not a problem with her vehicle like she said. She was afraid to tell me because of what I deal with. I really did not know what to say. I asked if in her Facebook group they had provided any resources for dealing with this having no money. answer was no. Goes on to say she wants to open a non-profit for helping women who want their implants removed but have no money. It would work on a lottery system. She’s all over the place.

My daughter is not working, has lived away from her son for 2 years with no effort to live near him, is always broke with never ending problems, which all require money. She is also 42 years old. She has been bailed out by her grandparents for a total of $10,000 in debt and given a car, (nicer than the one I was driving at the time). Her uncle has also bailed her out in the thousands and so have I in the thousands. I paid for her to finish real estate classes, which she never did. I paid to get her vehicle out of repo. We’ve given her a jeep, which she was so grateful for and then sold it within a month. I don’t want to give her any more money! I’m afraid she is going to hit up her brother next.

I feel guilt for feeling the way I do. To me she is perfectly healthy and there is no reason why she isn’t or has been working. She has held good jobs in the past and left for various reasons, the last was somewhat suspicious, she walked away with a lot of money from a woman she befriended who was dying. I don’t feel sorry for her.

I learned a long time ago that the first step to improving your life is that you have to help yourself. There is a lyric in a George Harrison song, “the lord helps those, that help themselves,” (as a side note, I do know George Harrison didn’t make up that quote) and I’ve found that to be so true. My biggest example is my divorce from their father. If God is so against divorce, then why did my life improve greatly after I divorced him. The more I took steps to improve myself, the better my life became. It wasn’t always easy too. I suffer from depression and really had to push myself and sometimes I still have a hard time.

I know that she suffers from depression, sometimes I think she is even bipolar. She won’t take antidepressants, which I know would help her get the jump start she needs.

My Maggie girl is getting worse every day. Today she can’t get up at all. I think that maybe it is time but she is still eating and has not lost control of her bladder and poop. Those are two things on the list of things to consider before putting your dog down. I couldn’t sleep last night with all this shit going on in my head. I don’t know what to do in either case.

Oh, and another thing, she tells me that many people are dying from the COVID-19 vaccine and that they, (the government) are hiding the information. then sends me an article about it from the internet of course, and a source I don’t recognize. Thank you for that to add to my paranoia.