6/23
I am tired. It’s 11:30 am. When you have MS, everything is so challenging. I was in the bathroom cutting my toenails, actually sitting on the toilet bowl, (the light is good). I went into the bedroom to get dressed and all of a sudden I had to pee, really bad! You would think since I was already there I would have to go but noooo, no urge whatsoever. I can’t just run into the bathroom. Have to use the walker and hold onto things, all the while my bladder ready to empty. Another symptom of MS is called “urgency” and yet another, “hesitation.”
I was experiencing urgency. That can happen for peeing and pooping. Again,its always a challenge even at home. If your out it can become a major problem. Hesitancy is when you feel you have to go, (peeing) and you get to the bathroom and nothing! That happens lot. There are medications that help, which my doctor prescribed. He writes for a 3 month supply after which I need a new Rx. He doesn’t follow up so then I go without the pills. My primary physician has recommended some urologists and I have neglected going.
I’m feeling so old and I hate it. This new hairstyle has me bumming. I never get over the fact that I can’t do so much of what I want. We stop and get these delicious 3 scoop ice cream waffle cones. I have no resolve, I just eat it and savor every bite! The problem being afterword I want to go for a walk or then I start to think, well if my legs worked we could walk there and back, or better yet, ride bikes! This disease is making me old. I was always so active and now all I do is sit. Sit and read, sit and color, sit and sew, sit and watch tv, play computer games and write, or go shopping, I’m sitting in the wheelchair. . The other thing I do which makes me feel good is kneeling as I’m gardening. Sit and kneel. I was riding my stationary bike for 2 miles around 4 days a week until this tooth stuff, now it is my knee. It is such a challenge to get down on the floor too. Not being in a loving relationship is also contributing to my aging. Sex makes you feel good, or so I remember. Meanwhile I substitute eating to make me feel better and the result is gaining weight, which also makes me old looking. Yes, I’m having a pity party but thats where I am today for lack of things to do.
Still haven’t contacted Bluehost, my excuse this week is that tomorrow I have the opening of the botanical gardens and Friday I start Master Gardener College. It’s only 4 days so my goal is that next week I will contact Bluehost and get this blog going, unless something else comes along. Starting the blog also depends on whether I can transfer all these entries, which I have on Pages on the iPad into the blog. I figure there has to be a way. If not I’ll give up, I can’t write all this shit over again.