I haven’t addressed what’s going on as far as my MS daily struggles in awhile. I guess that is good because I have constantly had it drilled in me that, “I am so much more than my MS,” and better yet, “MS does not define me.” I have actually learned something by writing in this personal journal of my life with MS. I used to resent people telling me that I am so much more. I did think that I am defined by MS. By writing what’s going on in my life and how I feel about everything that is going on that has nothing to do with MS, I have come to realize that, “ok, I guess its true.” That is a huge revelation for me. Phew!!
The other day I went 2 miles on my exercise bike, (which I try to do every day). Later that morning the weather was perfect for me to go out and work in the garden. which I did. I spent 2 1/2 hours cleaning up beds and only quit because my weed buckets were full. I am always aware of my limitations and a couple of times I came close to losing my balance. The end all is that I accomplished what I set out to do. I came in and rested while I ate lunch and watched my shows. I then was ready to do some laundry and tackle a deep clean of the kitchen. By the time my husband came home, my legs were telling me that I was done. I felt very good that day.
I’m always thinking of ways that I can break my routine, especially now that the weather is warmer and I can be outside. I thought of walking in the morning around the half of cul-de-sac that we live in. Then I thought, would I have to give up the bike to take a walk? Maybe I’ll do the bike in the morning and take a walk after dinner when I’m usually sitting on my ass for the evening. I think that would work better. In between I would get out and garden when the weather cooperates.
Being on the Methylphenidate ER 10 mg. has made a huge difference in battling my fatigue. I have more energy to accomplish physical work as gardening, cooking and cleaning. Everything I do also has to be adapted so that I can conserve energy. With gardening I have the golf cart to take me around to the beds and my kneeler to help me get up and down. When I’m cooking, I see what I can do while sitting down, like chopping, preparing as much as I can in the morning, when I do have more energy. Not only physical, I am able to read without my eyes shutting
As long as I am able to physically do what I want, I seem to be fine. It is when I want to do something and can’t that I get frustrated and and down on myself. I still look at people who can walk and dance and wear high heels with resentment and start to have a pity party with negative thoughts. Hopefully someday I can learn not to resent able bodied people. What’s your story? If anyone ever reads this, would I ever like to hear your coping techniques along with sharing your frustrations.