Here I sit probably a month later, after saying I was goiing to deal with my issues and I haven’t dealt with any of them. I think I’m depressed, no, I know that I am. Things are worse with Pete, I can’t hide or push my thoughts away. Every night I wake up because my mind is racing overtime on how I’m going to deal with him. I know the right way to apprach him, saying that “I feel,” instead of blaming him for stuff. I just know the response. Nothing. I told him last week I would like to have a serious talk and to let me know when he is ready. Duh, nothing yet. He will make excuse after excuse, the same things I’ve heard for almost 20 years. He has also been home, a lot! This makes it impossible for me to get things I want done. He constantly interrupts me.
We do nothing, we go nowhere unless I initiate it and then he moans about it. Today I wanted to go the the Lebanese Food Festival. I’ve been wanting to go for years. It’s been planned since last week. Since we both like eating earlier in the day I thought we could go around 3 or 4, its open until 8 pm. When I asked him what time, he said, “3 o’clock, I want to get this over with.” Really, do you now think I want to go with him? No. So its a beautiful day, not too hot for me and here I am. In two weeks there is a band, The Deloreans, playing at a winery, Everleigh Vineyards. Its an 80’s hair band and I’ve heard they’re really good. My friend and her guy are going and they want us to go. We have to buy tickets, $30 each, which I will buy. I went to buy them and am now concerned about the parking, with MS I worry about that. I don’t want to be pushed for a mile down a dirt road. I’m also hesitant because I don’t want him complaining. When we went last week, no tickets required, he bitched about the how much he spent. I had two glasses of wine and a $13 burger. He had 3 drinks and a very large pretzel. The man is loaded, he makes more than anyone there. He pays for a gym membership he never uses and buys dog beds for Ellie that she doesn’t go in.
This morning we portaled with Brylee, it is her 5th birthday and we’re suposed to go up next week for her party. Pete wants to go to NC. We’re going to NY and he will be miserable about it. We’ll be there for 4 days and he wants to go to Long Island to see his mom for the last two. I don’t. He complains about traffic, but heading out to Long Island on a holiday weekend doesn’t make sense. I want to stay with my granddaughter. He will not go back and forth to get me. So this confrontation will be soon.
Back to my issues. Unfortunately he is not the only one. Making three wreaths, nope, didn’t happen. Looking into Medicare, no, did nothing but I did find a website which says it explains everything. Start the biography portion of this blog, no. I have the phone number out and open on my desk right next to this laptop but haven’t called for help. Can’t think of the other ones but right now it doesn’t matter, I’ve done nothing.