I haven’t written here in almost 3 weeks. That is because I have been upset and losing sleep over something that is out of my control. It has to do with my son and his girlfriend buying a house together and selling his. I absolutely HATE the house they are buying! They are in a rush because of her, always wanting things right away, now, can’t wait. There ae so many beautiful homes in their price range that they are settled on this one is beyond me. It is way out in bumfuck boonies. He is giving up his whole life for something she wants and it bugs the shit out of me. I lay awake at night with my mind racing and my heart palpitating. I repeat “The Serenity Prayer” over and over and over.
I am also letting my depression enter back into the same old places. Being in a loveless marriage with no sex or any fun at all; My birthday came and went without even a call from my only sister and only brother, wondering in my sisters case what slight I might have done. My brother I’m more forgiving, I know he always has a lot going on. Then there’s my daughter, 45 years old, renting a room in someone’s home, no direction. Came down with COVID and is treating herself with vitamins, she is against some vaccines. All of this going round and round, not writing because I always come back to these same thoughts overtaking my brain. I know it is up to me to change things; I’m starting to come out of it until next time. The heat here is unbearable, if it wasn’t for my time volunteering at the garden, I would have no life.
Anyway….. I was watching the Today Show, as usual and they had this singer on, Renee Rapp, and she sang this song, “Too Well”. I loved the lyrics so much. There is a chorus that is repeated throughout the song,
“I get so sick of myself, can’t stop overthinkin'”
This is exactly how I feel and also the reason I haven’t written, because I am sick of myself and my overthinking!!!