Still in NC. Yesterday started out ok, but then I saw Pete using a flashlight. He was in the cabinet under the stovetop turning the gas on, (he turns it on and off as we use it). Anyway, now he’s looking at the bottom of the cabinet and sees some red, looks at my walker and concludes that I’m hitting the cabinets with my walker. He tells me to be careful. I look at him and don’t say a word.
We come back from shopping and it’s 5:30. We need to plant a couple of Hellebores and Rudbeckia, (black eyed Susan’s) that I dug up and brought down. I also bought a Columbine at Lowe’s. I’m ready as soon as we get back. He decides he wants to eat first. I had stuffed peppers with quinoa, spinach, and broiled grape tomatoes that morning. I wanted mine heated up. After eating he starts rushing me to get outside. He’s being impatient, gesturing to me like he’s directing an airplane to land, saying let’s go, let’s go. That’s when I lost it. I started screaming at him how much I hate him and fuck you! He’s the one who had to eat first. If any neighbors were outside, they heard me.
I had asked him to dig the holes. Much easier with a big shovel as opposed to me using a garden shovel. Unfortunately without my golf cart, he had to move my kneeler and equipment where I was planting. You know how I HATE depending on him to do these things for me because of his attitude.
Earlier while shopping there was a couple, she was in a wheelchair, and he was so nice to her. He was funny and accommodating, they were having a good time together. Pete was off looking for things for himself. I had things for Brylee and our home, (one thing for me cause I couldn’t resist the price). More on that in the next post. Anyway, I felt sad that he doesn’t treat me like that man. He treats me like a burden with his impatience, orders, and lack of respect.
Today I’m ashamed of my outburst