That is how I’m feeling since my husband, P came home from London. I had felt so good and proud of myself while he was gone, as I wrote last week. He comes back and asks, how I’m doing on the dresser that I’m finishing. Well of course I hasn’t worked on the dresser while he was gone. I proceeded to tell him all that I did accomplish and how proud I was feeling. He really doesn’t get what an effort it is for me to take the wheelchair in and out of the car and same with the walker, who fights me every time, and the black and blue marks on my legs from doing this. He doesn’t get ow I have to really make a strong decision to myself just to get me out of the house.
He bought me a new frother, since the old Keurig broke, (for my daily cappuccino). It was over a hundred dollars and he researched it to death, like everything he does. I was showing him how it works and was making him a cappuccino, when he started asking stupid questions, “how do you know its making froth?” Because it is! The pot for the frother is solid black and you can’t see the froth, like the Keurig. I’m like, “can’t you just wait and see how good this is?” He then gets a flashlight and starts shining it into the spout. I lost it!!! I started screaming, “Why do you have to analyze everything!!!!!!”
Well its been like that since he’s home. The weather has been cool and beautiful days and I can’t go out to my gardens because he just aerated and seeded the lawn. Again, I feel in limbo. He makes me feel inadequate and therefore I don’t want to do anything… By not doing anything,, I feel guilty and stubborn.
Right now I’m feeling pressure writing in this blog, I don’t feel that I’m giving it my all, which I’m not. I could do so much more and the pressure of it bogs me down.
I feel pressure finishing the dresser for my granddaughter. It is sitting upside down in my office/craft room, going on 3 months. It’s not coming out the way I hoped and I’m discouraged.
I have Christmas stockings that I started sewing again, sitting on my craft table. I have finished sewing one but again it didn’t come out quite the way I pictured it and it’s half assed. Why don’t I watch a video showing me how to do it right? I don’t know, its too much, I’m overwhelmed.
I signed up for a class at the botanical garden today on guest relations and marketing. Last night I talked my way out of going. I felt , why was I going? I’m not an employee; maybe I got the email by accident; that I wasn’t supposed to go, and I allowed myself to feel more pressure, hence not going at all.
I need a therapist