On Friday, March 20 for the first time I felt better, almost back to normal, (my normal with MS). I kept busy all morning; I called three doctors and made appointments, paid bills, did some laundry and felt good. It was also the first day that I got out of the wheelchair and started using the walker again! It was a beautiful day and I was itching to get outside.

I thought I would take the golf cart and work in the shade. I started on a fairly small bed that had 3 lilies, two hellebores, a variegated pittosporum and two hydrangeas. I cut down the long tendrils of the pittosporum, cleaned up the old foliage of the lilies. The bigger job was getting rid of all the pine needles. I worked on the first hellebore, (Lenten Rose). This is the time of year all new shoots start coming up, (lots of them). I had to pull them all out as I didn’t want the plant to get any bigger. The larger ones I wanted to dig up and put into pots to give away, (I never got to do this). I cut off all the larger bottom dead leaves. At this point I tried to get up off my kneeler and had a very hard time. My legs were jelly. Pete told me to stop but of course I didn’t. I had to at least get the hydrangeas, all the while picking up the pine needles. I finished the small one and was only able to cut back some of the bigger one when I knew had to stop. I couldn’t get up. My legs didn’t want to hold me. I needed help, Pete, and even then I had trouble. I got to the floor of the golf cart and had to sit there for 10 minutes. I worked my way into the house and had to sit the rest of the day.

I was only outside for an hour

My legs were tingling and very weak. When I went to bed, I woke up just like I did a week ago, back to the wheelchair, and it’s where I still sit. I am still taking the Meloxicam once daily for pain. Last night was the first night I was not going to take the Oxcarbazepine for the trigeminal neuralgia. I had been taking it since last Sunday when I had the one episode. I stopped taking it during the day but at night I was afraid to wake up with that pain so I continued to take it. I have also had a headache on the left side of my head, like a cluster headache, (only on the one side), but not as strong. When I laid down to go to bed the pain extended to my cheek, not trigeminal neuralgia, other side. Right away I got up and took the Oxcarbazepine.

New Challenges: During this time I have also peed in my bed twice. I didn’t even feel it coming, I just woke up wet. I also have not made it to the bathroom in time and peed a little in my pants, (I’m really going through underwear). One of the doctors I’m supposed to make an appointment with is a urologist. If you saw my calendar I have doctor’s appointments three times a week. I also am not driving which makes it harder. I have to reschedule an appointment with my dermatologist, which I had to cancel because I was in the hospital. Back to new symptoms; The inside of my left jaw is sore and I cannot open my mouth. I can’t eat meat, only soft foods. I’m wondering if it is an infection. If it is I need to go to the dentist. I haven’t been to the dentist in three years because he gave me three root canals that I didn’t need. It was trigeminal neuralgia, which when I told him he didn’t even apologize.

I have my therapist appointment tomorrow, which I’ll see if we can do a virtual appointment. On Tuesday I have physical therapy, which I’ll probably have to cancel like I did last week. I’ll also miss going to the garden, now for two weeks in a row. I’m feeling depressed, beaten down. All of these health problems, will they ever go away? My life is taken up by doctor’s appointments.

Spring is here and the weather is perfect for me to work in my garden. I have 19 beds that need to be cleaned up and fertilized. I thought by working in the garden that nature would add to my healing, instead it took me back. Gardening is my happy place. Instead I’m inside, sitting and taking naps, (2 hours), every afternoon and sitting again. I’m not talking to anyone and starting to feel like I’m isolating. Nobody can do anything to help me and it’s useless to tell my problems to anyone, (I usually don’t), because they seem to be never ending.