I’ve been thinking about death lately, specifically mine and my husbands. My husbands only because I see it as a way to move back to NY. Anyway, I read obituaries. Here in VA, they put pictures of the deceased in, sometimes from their youth. I scan through and don’t really read the ones who are old, as I see its just the way life is. That is unless they have 1/4 page obit. If its long I do like to read about their life and what they’ve accomplished to make their obit so long.
Mostly I read the ones who have died young. I want to know how they died, why was their life cut short? Most of the time it doesn’t say and leaves me wondering. I read people who are around my age and same thing, why they died. I wonder what makes some obituaries long and filled with admiration for the ones lost, and why some are just short and basic. Are the people with the long obits loved more?
I think of a lady I met at Master Gardening. She was in her early 80’s, a real Southern lady. She had called me a Yankee, (kidding I think). When I asked about the legendary Southern hospitality, she said, ” we want y’all to come on down here, we just don’t want you to stay.” I liked her a lot, she was very charming with a real southern drawl, and could tell a good story. I knew she had been a teacher and had 2 sons. When she died there was hardly a 1″ blurb about her with no picture. Nothing about her career as a teacher, her being a Master Gardener, her marriage, or having 2 sons. I couldn’t believe it! So little thought was put into it. There wasn’t even information on funeral plans. I guess I will always wonder why, and here it is 7 years later and I still think about it.
I wonder what mine will say. Will it be thoughtful and loving? Will it convey my love of nature, music, (Beatles), the ocean, hiking, family, faith; my love of gardening, my volunteering, sense of humor, temper (while driving)? Will it be basic and who survives me? I wonder these things. I do have in my will that I want a life celebration party and it comes with a playlist and directions to spread my ashes from Perkins Drive into the Hudson Valley.
From there my mind thinks about how little I’ve accomplished in my life. I admire selfless people so much. People who work and dedicate their lives to improving lives less fortunate, people who are active in the environment and so many other great examples. Well I’m not one of them. I lead a very ordinary life. My heart goes out to many, but I haven’t done anything for them. The only thing I’ve done is write checks to organizations that help others. That’s not enough for me. At one point I thought of being a foster mother. First, my husband has no interest in becoming one and then I think that some of those stories would break my heart, could I handle it? It’s really moot, cause its not going to happen. I think I would like to help an immigrant family get accustomed to life in America.
Regardless, I’ve been on this earth 62 years and haven’t done anything worthwhile to give back. I have to believe we are here for more than just living a mundane life. Why? I’ve read different teachings that when you die you keep coming back until you get it right. By right I mean being a worthwhile human being, loving, compassionate and improving life here on earth. I’ve also read that when you come back, how you led your previous life will determine what you come back as.
I know we don’t have a choice, but I’ve also thought about that and determined that I want to come back as an otter. They have very few natural enemies, they are very social and like to play all day in the water. Need I say more?
At this point I also think that I should have as much fun and experience all of the beautiful things that life and nature offer. I want to see the great orca’s, I want to see the magnificent redwoods, Monument Valley in Utah, the pyramids. I want to swim in turquoise waters, wake up and look to see the ocean out my window.
As you can see, I think too much