We moved down here about 12 years ago. I have had an extremely hard time making friends. Girlfriends are very important to me. Having a friend to do things with helps me physically and mentally. Having someone to commiserate with, laugh and have fun with, and share interests with is priceless to me. I am not an open book. I am not an easy sharer of information about my life. It takes time with me to get to know someone and I’ll slowly open up, the more comfortable I feel.
I have learned, in recent years, (I’m a slow learner), that friends will come and go throughout your lifetime, I’ve learned that some friends are specific to certain times of your life. The hardest thing I’ve learned is the truth about some friendships; some are only one way; others can be very toxic and draining. I’ve learned about setting boundaries. That said, I have lost two friendships that I’ve had since high school.
I am good, (or bad) about cutting people out of my life. Coming to a realization that I was the only one giving in a relationship, hurt me deeply. I took a lot, but when I did finally realize the dynamic, I found it easy to cut her out. This is the same person who we would say “shared the same brain.” As a Cancer, I would crawl into my shell and disappear. With this friend, the one thing I didn’t do, which maybe I should have, is explain my feelings and why I ended the friendship.
My other high school friend I recently cut out of my life. The separation between us has happened frequently in our friendship. She is very high maintenance and has repeated the same mistakes throughout her life and continues to this day. Having the same issues with her husband and kids, and doing nothing about it. I finally realized that she likes playing the victim. For 30 years it is the same story. This is a woman who had unlimited funds to take control of her life and just pissed it away, until she has nothing now and is trapped in her situation. What can I say to her? Many times I have tried to help her and I guess she doesn’t have the strength to help herself.
I know it sounds mean on my part. I do feel bad that I don’t have empathy for her. Yet she had many more advantages over me, and did nothing. I had to fight myself through poverty and bad relationships, I’ve worked two jobs, and the hardest battle, multiple sclerosis. Because of this, I do find I don’t have patience for people who won’t help themselves. When I was leaving a long term relationship, (10 years), she actually sabotaged my getting a new place. She knew the landlord and told him I wasn’t interested in the property. Lucky thing I followed up. That’s when I learned that misery really does love company. As long as we could bitch together about our men, we were okay. The minute I decided to leave my situation, she didn’t like it.
The last time I talked to her, she was yet again, having the same complaints she’s had for 30 years and the final straw was telling me how she believed Biden and Democrats were a bunch of pedophiles and that I would see, that it would all come out. This is from her 35 year old son, who sits in his room on his computer, who’s never worked a day in his life, and who has been holed up like this since he was a teenager. The dysfunction is too much for me to handle.