This is how I would describe myself the past few days. I have a lot on my mind, (what else is new) but I also have no motivation to accomplish anything. I’m feeling lonely and very confused , I’m doubting myself and my feelings. By that I mean feeling justified on how I feel about certain subjects I’ve written about, to thinking, “who am I?” to feel so strongly about something without doing diligence on the subjects I’m writing about. I am lazy and a hot head. Here are the things I am struggling with:
I spoke to my cousin, (the one who is the same age as me) the other day. We discussed the cancel culture and as usual she had more compassion than me. If you remember, I am always asking God to be open to understanding and practicing compassion. I think that “cancel culture” is out of control. She pointed out that she feels it is good that these children’s books, cartoons, etc. realize that they were being insensitive and are making the necessary changes to be inclusive in today’s world. Well that got me thinking that maybe I spoke too fast. I didn’t think it through before I spouted my opinions. Maybe I’m not the prejudice free person I think I am. Actually that is a lie, I know I have prejudice in me.
We also discussed sexual harassment, in particular the claims against Gov. Cuomo in New York. I have felt in certain instances, including this one that some of these accusations are women making a big deal out of some offhand remarks or just plain old questions that were asked of them. I feel that if your in your 20’s and old enough to be in sexual relationships, then you should take some responsibility in deterring these confrontations on your own without running to the media. If you feel uncomfortable with remarks said to you, then tell that person how you feel. I am in no way talking about being forced to do something you don’t want to do. I do understand that it isn’t so easy, especially if that person has power and your job could be on the line. Why do some men get away with it, Trump, and others don’t? I’ve questioned that before in the Random Thoughts on Politics.
I, along with probably every other woman, have memories of employers pinning me in a corner and rubbing up against me, inappropriately buying me lingerie. At the time I was the sole supporter of two young children and these were bosses. I made good money and I took it with a grain of salt. I felt it was something that I could control. When I was pinned in a corner I pushed my way out of it. I felt, get over it and deal with it. My cousin admirers this younger generation of women for not taking that kind of abuse and taking their allegations public. Again, I was put in my place and feel that I don’t think things through before I start blabbing.
Why am I so lazy in my thinking? I don’t know. Right now I’m tired and I don’t want to get into the other things that I’m lazy about and are bringing me down. Like the crab I am, I will withdraw into myself