5/28
Still having shooting pains. I won’t call dentist till tomorrow and ask if there could possibly be another source, and why am I still having pain!?
Today I’m going to talk about loneliness. Since we moved to Virginia, 9 years ago, I have made no friends. No one to go shopping with, or the movies, lunch, meet for coffee or just hang out with. Is this my fault? Maybe in a way it is. I am an introvert. I’m very private and am very self conscious about starting conversations. I am also friendly, outgoing, and can be funny. My own quote for myself is “all she ever wanted to have is fun”.
I’ve always had close friends that have meant the world to me. Most of them are all long term, from high school, jobs, or neighbors. I love to entertain. In NY I would have girls night, where we’d all make something and get together at my house. I loved to host holidays, either Christmas, Thanksgiving, Memorial Day or just plain bbq’s. Since living here we’ve not hosted anything. My family doesn’t want to travel, either does Pete’s. We always end up in NY over Christmas visiting his family, my family, friends and sometimes a trip to the city. It is quite a whirlwind.
Then we’re back in VA and loneliness. I‘ve already said one of the reasons I volunteer is to make friends, which hasn’t exactly worked out. That said, I do believe it is harder to make friends the older you get. Yet I have my sister who moved into a planned retirement community and has made more friends than I can imagine. She is less friendly, more private and a real snob, yet she’s got more friends than me.
When we first moved in; a beautiful established neighborhood, with very diverse neighbors, I was invited to a Christmas cookie swap. I went and continued to go for about 3 years. I found the women who went were very clicky and all hung around with their existing crowd. I felt like I stood out, with my walker, trying to navigate the home and needing help. If I wanted a glass of wine or something to eat, I had to sit down. You can’t hold a plate, wine glass, and lean on a walker just to stand up. Nobody at these get togethers sat down. So there I would be by myself. No friendships developed there.
I do have 2 neighbors who are very friendly and come over occasionally for coffee or tea. I have never been invited to their homes. This neighborhood is very dog friendly and we meet up with people when we walk our girl. Just hello and dog talk, nothing more.
I do notice that the time in your life when you make friends is when you work, or as a mother with small children, maybe in a workout class. None of which is going on in my life. I also think that I am high maintenance. If I were to get invited somewhere, I would have to bring a wheelchair and maybe people don’t know how to deal with that. I have cousins who have been in book clubs for 20 years. I’ve thought about starting one, but come up with excuses; I don’t drive at night, it would be a hassle getting in and out of people’s homes. These are real concerns, going anywhere takes planning on my part.
I still have my NY friends, but never get to see them. I loathe talking on the phone. I am a self declared “phone-a-phobe”. I don’t mind saying what you have to say and getting off and saving for when we get together. I have friends that will keep you on the phone for 2 hours, while they talk to their pets, children, husband. They all don’t know I hate talking on the phone, maybe I should let them know.
Isolating during this pandemic hasn’t been hard for me. I am alone a lot and most of the time I’m fine. I’m one who needs alone time. At least when I volunteer at the the botanical gardens, I interact with people and I’m in an atmosphere that I love and that helps a lot.