143.2 pounds. That is what I weighed in at 2 days ago. I came back from the Carolina’s, this time determined to lose weight. Please don’t get on me about my weight. I have lived most of my adult life weighing anywhere from 120 to 130 lbs. Knowing that if I didn’t have MS I would still be that weight bothers the shit out of me! Everyone has their challenges and this one is very important to me. All of my gained weight is in my stomach and thighs. I am uncomfortable when my stomach sits on my thighs and my thighs rub together. I am unhappy when I know I’m eating out of pure boredom, even sometimes putting food in my mouth just to stay awake. I hate looking at myself in the mirror and everyday is a challenge to get dressed as only 2 pairs of my 10 pairs of jeans fit and none of my dressy pants fit and even the ones with the elastic waists are tight!
My core is lacking greatly in strength. I am aware when I walk with the walker that I need to stand up straight and catch myself all the time. When I’m standing at the counter counting my pills out for the day, I find myself leaning on my elbows and try to make an effort to stand up straight. Actually whenever I’m standing up reading a recipe or cooking I lean down. The other option is sitting at the counter cooking, chopping, etc. Yes it saves energy but it also doesn’t push me to stand up straight. More choices to make. Most things I do require sitting because I don’t have the strength or energy to do it any other way. Then I fight with myself that I’m lazy. Constant struggle.
We came back last Tuesday and on Wednesday I started “My Fitness Pal,” I have used this free app previously with success. It is slow going but it works by tracking calories. Its been determined for me to lose I need to stay on a 1200 calorie a day diet. It’s not hard and quite a few days I’ve stayed below. Another challenge is my husband. We had a big 3 lb. package of 80/20 frozen chop meat that we had used for Maggie’s dinner and we needed to use it up. He can live on burgers, I can have for a couple of nights,, but that’s it. He premade the burgers and they were over 4 oz. each. I eat them on a 100 calorie 12 grain bun with a slice of tomato and ketchup. With a sweet potato and salad the calorie count put me over by 42 calories. That’s not too bad.
I went in the fridge this morning to get 1/2 and 1/2 and what do I see? A platter of bakery cookies and cannoli’s that he brought home from work. WHY, WHY WOULD HE DO THIS? He stated to me that when we got home he would be going on a diet too. Obviously that hasn’t happened. First thing he asks this morning is did I look in the refrigerator? I asked him why he would bring them home while I’m trying to lose weight and he said he got them at work and did I see the cannoli’s? Really???? I am determined and just for spite I will fight them calling me every time I open the fridge.
My next challenge is exercising, which I’ve written about before. Today was the first day I rode my bike in over a week and it was very hard. I did the usual 2 miles. I still haven’t opened the Yoga for MS DVD. I consider gardening an exercise even though I ride my golf cart to the beds and spend the time kneeling on my kneeler. I am always pulling weeds and planting, exerting my upper body, and stretching which does get my heart rate up. The fact that there is no sex in our marriage is more exercise that I am missing out on!
One thing I don’t understand is my upper arms are getting a little flabby. I always insist on wheeling myself in the wheelchair. The manager at the garden shop said that, “your arms should be really toned,” (meaning it as a compliment) I replied that one would think so, wouldn’t you. They aren’t and I also lift weights when I’m pedaling on the exercise bike. I don’t go crazy, they are two lb. weights and I do 2 sets of 20 reps with 4 arm exercises. Between that and lifting the wheelchair in and out of the car and all the work in the garden, I again would think my arms would be toned.