long after the thrill of living is gone”….. (John Mellencamp)
These lyrics have been reverberating over and over in my brain. “Happiness”, (subject of my last post), is alluding me right now. I want to be excited and embrace the Christmas spirit but I’m allowing Peter to take it from me. There is no joy in decorating for the simple reason that he complains about taking all the stuff down and putting up the outside lights. Again my frustrations with myself because I can’t do any of the preparation is making me MAD at myself and him.
I have already let my thoughts turn to , “the best years of my life have gone,” (Led Zeppelin). I want something to look foward to, I want someone to share my happiness and laugh and have fun. Last night I went bananas with my frustrations with him and told him I hated him and was going to file for a divorce in the new year. I’m so tired. One thing I did learn from years of therapy is that you cannot change a person.
As a side note, the song “Life goes on” is on the radio right now.
How can I overcome this and continue to stay with him and try and live my life as best I can. I’ve been doing this for 18 years and it always rears its ugly head. That’s because it never gets resolved. Maybe the title of this post isn’t exactly right. I do still get a thrill of living in so many things as previously posted. I do believe that “the best years of my life are gone” is true. Right now I’m having a tough time.