6/17
Living with no affection from your mate is hard. Living with no affection for 10 years is excruciating. No hugs, kiss on the cheek, playfulness, flirting, no sparkle in the eyes, no rubbing feet, back, neck, not to mention being intimate. We live in a type of unspoken partnership. I didn’t sign up for this when we got married. I truly was in love and he was very affectionate, attentive and fun. Shortly after we got married the excuses began. I’m too tired, I have a lot on my mind, We’re trying to build this house, I want to get this house finished, my company is being sold, we have to sell the house, etc., etc.
I have brought up the lack of intimacy throughout the years only to get another excuse or no answers at all. I call him a “machine,” because he never stops working, always finding new jobs to do with the same excuses, “you want this done, I’m trying to get it done.” He does beautiful work. Our master bath, my design, his work, is magazine worthy. He does everything! If he doesn’t know how, he’ll learn. I do appreciate that about him.
He is a great provider, has a great job, great benefits, very responsible. Doesn’t drink to excess, no drugs, is sociable, not possessive and helps around the house. He has no problem going to the grocery store. These are things that I have had problems with in my past relationships. I guess having these good attributes are my trade in. With MS, I need good benefits and a lot of help. Is it worth living with no love. I’m still deciding. When it came to a point in other long term relationships, where I wasn’t getting what I needed, I left. I was always able to support myself and kids. This time is different. I can’t get a job and can’t afford benefits, plus I need help getting places.
It is still hard to live with. I am a woman, with lots of feelings and needs. Sometimes I wonder that I will go through life without a partner who truly “gets me.” Understands my connection with nature, music, and my need to have fun. We all can’t be everything to everybody, I know that. When I say, “look at the beautiful sky,” feeling the awe of such beauty, to have someone appreciate it as deeply as I do, not just say, “oh yeah.”
On his part I can only speculate, and brother have I speculated. I’ve even voiced my thoughts to him, getting ignored afterward, not denying or offering any other explanation.