This is one of the emotions I was talking about in the “Catching Up” post. After everyone went back to NY, I was working in the front garden and P came home and told me that I needed to drive him to Ford, because the air conditioner wasn’t working again. I felt the rage building up. I was finally able to make it to the front garden and now I had to stop to take him to Ford. I was given a choice, either that evening or at 8:00 the following morning. I was off the following morning and did not want to get out of the house early. I stayed out a little bit longer, cursing out loud, not caring who heard me, the rage building even more. I stopped to take him so that I wouldn’t have to drive in the dark.
I was so worked up that I had to stop what I was doing to take him, when he NEVER stops anything to do or take me anywhere, Cursing all the way to Ford, yelling, (in the privacy of my car) at other drivers who dared to make a move I wasn’t happy with!
Now this whole thing, (my rage) could have been avoided if my husband knew anything about me, after 15 years! All he had to say was that we would stop at Dunkin’ Donuts and buy me a cappuccino. That’s it, that is all he had to do. It was right on the way, no extra turns or nothing! Well you know what his lack of knowledge about what to do did? It enraged me even more!
I realized that I needed to calm down and so I just stopped talking. This all goes back to me becoming or being a person I don’t like. A person that he contributes to me becoming. I have so many pent up feelings about me being trapped and not having any kind of marriage, that the slightest little thing sets me off. Thank God he had to go to Brussels for his job for 4 days.
The yelling, (in the privacy of my car) at other drivers, I’ve been doing all my driving life. I won’t blame that on him. In fact he dos it now. It’s important to do it with the windows shut because these days you can get shot!
This too shall pass until the next time.