In the meantime I have been planning a surprise 60th birthday party for P in October. His birthday is the 2nd and I’m planning it for Saturday the 1st. I had previously sent his family a save the date email. I’ve been speaking to my son because he will be handling most of it since it will be in NY at a restaurant near where he lives. This planning has caused me a great deal of anxiety because of the fact that I need help pulling it together. I am waking up in the night with my head spinning, worrying about the party.
In the past I have been known for my parties/get togethers. I’ve always had them at my house and had all the fun stuff to throw the parties. We have lived here 11/12 years and I have never had a party here, (lack of family and friends). One of the many things I’ve been depressed about. Many times I have been tempted to get rid of the fun cocktail glasses, servingware, dishes and platters. Having to leave the responsibility of the party to someone else is hard for me. It won’t be the way I would have done it. To me it is just another thing that I can’t do. When you have certain things that your good at and not able to do them brings me down. Another argument in my head is that I’m more conscious of the environmental impact I’ll make by buying decorations that will only be used once; balloons, signs, tablecloths, etc.
I am still figuring out why I am giving this party for P. I’m in a loveless marriage, we basically do nothing, no fun things together. I bury myself in books, computer games, music and of course gardening. So again, why I am giving him this party?
Here is my answer so far. I feel that everyone needs a party on their birthday, especially major milestone ones. I am like a child when it comes to birthday parties. I have to say that it is selfish on my part, in that I get to throw a party.
His sister helped me by sending pictures of when he was young. I created an invitation using those pics and Shutterfly, using a 1/2 price coupon. The place is booked, I’m waiting for the invitations, hotel room for us is booked.
More worries: I tried to book a flight to go to NY a few days early, but there are no flights from Richmond to some of the smaller airports. We will be arriving late afternoon the day before the party. That night we have to spend at my sons because hotel had no rooms until Sunday night, This is very uncomfortable for me as I will be sleeping on the couch and his tub is not good for me to shower. I’m also stressing about inside the restaurant. Do I use the walker or wheelchair? I’d prefer to use the walker but I’ll be less likely to move about. In the wheelchair I’d be more mobile without exhausting myself.