This label for the “holidays” started over 20 years ago with my then live-in fiance, John. What it came down to was constant arguing every year at this time. He was fine with visiting my family and his, but when it came to parties he was not having any of it and gift giving, he was clueless. Not just for me but for everyone he had to buy gifts for. I could attribute this to a “male” thing, but I’m not going to. I think some people are just downright clueless. I attribute it to a personality trait. Pete also has this trait. Therefore my conclusion is that unfortunately I am initially attracted to men that are emotionally unavailable. As the relationship continues, I get more and more frustrated that “after all these years,” these men don’t know me at all.

I say personality trait because it seems to me they’re not capable of learning clues, or even not understanding outright requests. This confuses me. Are they really not capable? or does their mind not work the way that picks up on these things? Both men are self centered in the way that their wants are priority. Conversations with them revolve around their lives and interests and haven’t the ability to persue a conversation about anyone else’s interests. They will listen but have no interest in furthering the conversation with other people. While you are speaking, they are already thinking of what to say to bring the conversation back to them.

So here we are, another year with arguments. He got off lucky this year because his large family decided to do a grab bag, where you pick one name and spend more and buy that person a more expensive gift than usual. This eliminates 9 people from him having to buy for. The result is not going shopping as much as I need to, with me buying my gifts, while helping him pick out his. So now he has to take me to stores and being impatient while I decide what I need to get without the choice of stores I usually have. He is up my ass and nagging the whole time I’m trying. I’m afraid to ask him to go to stores we’ve always gone to because of his attitude.

With John I didn’t have this particular problem because I was physically able to shop on my own and my girlfriend and I had a day every year we would shop from morning till night and have a great day. If you have a piss poor attitude, I’d rather not even go because then you make me cranky and rushed and yelling ensues.

HAPPY HOLLERDAYS to all