According to the new issue of *Brain & Life, (https://www.brainandlife.org/ ), August/September 2020, hugs or touching another human being increases mood-lifting brain chemicals like dopamine, seratonin, and oxytocin, considered the bonding hormone. This doesn’t surprise me, hugs feel good.
*Brain and Life is a publication that provides information and advice from experts in the field of neurology, it is put out by the American Academy of Neurology .It is a free publication and you can receive on-line or a physical copy. It has articles relating to all neurological illnesses, including; Multiple Sclerosis, Parkinson’s, Lupus, Chronic fatigue Syndome, Migraines, Dystonia and many more. You can contribute articles, find upcoming trials for different treatments. There are many resources to investigate.
I’ve never been much of a hugger. My parents didn’t hug us and there was no signs of affection between them. I never felt the importance of myself being hugged. I did and do still feel the importance of hugging children and I’ve never held back hugs when it came to my children or any children for that matter, When my kids were cranky I used to scoop them up and hug them and tell them I was gonna squeeze the crankiness out of them. We would both feel good. With that said, my daughter is not a hugger and I have to force them on her. My son is more affectionate than she is.
So anyway, I haven’t had any hugs in a very long time, or any other physical touching of affection. My husband seems to be able to go through life like a robot. He doesn’t need any affection or outward displays of any kind. I swear he is a robot. All he knows is work, work, work. As we speak he has thought up a new project that will keep him busy for the next month. After that he has another one on tap.
Meanwhile I get more and more depressed. Last night I was so close to asking for a divorce. I’m trying to work it out in my head how it can go down. Through all the relationships I’ve been in I know he is not going to change, this is just how he is. He’s a good person. steady, reliable, faithful, he just has no feelings. This is the same as my previous relationship of 10 years before him. Another good guy, reliable, nice but emotionally unavailable.
That’s the phrase, “emotionally unavailable”,
Before attracting these “types,” I was attracted to the bad boys. Very strong feelings, sometimes overly possessive. I recognized the fault in those types and moved on to the emotionally unavailable. That is my conundrum. Having MS, I am scared to leave. I need benefits and he is a financial help to me. I live on SS disability and long term disability, which amounts to nothing. I don’t know what to do. My choices:
Stay with him and continue the facade of the happy couple. No love or affection of any kind. He is fine living like this. I’ve said before I think he planned this life.
or:
Leave and buy myself a home up North so I can be near my new granddaughter. I would have to find transportation back and forth to doctors and be more reliant on my son, which I don’t want to do.